2 posts tagged “crap”
Being first is everything. Bolus gets linked to from everywhere for posting videos of cheesy 70s songs as "Hell's iPod." I've been enjoying this crap for years, unironically, having made two "Moldy 70s" CDs during the Napster years. Here is a video sampler of those fine collections of shamefully seductive pop songs. Let's start out watching some chicks beat the shit out of a cowbell and a tambourine while Gary Wright and crew show you how phallic a keyboard can be:
"Geek the light fantastic!", says Mrs. V.
1964? Well, I heard it in the 70s.
"She's gonna get you from behind!" Ow!
You can't beat "Convoy" for the cheeze factor!
"Sweet City Woman" has one of my favorite gag-inducing lines ever: "And she feeds me love and tenderness and macaroons." Gahhhhhhh!
And now for some runners-up:
Picking up where I left off yesterday: "Colours" was actually the second single credited to Brilliant, the first was "That's What Good Friends Are For..." on Limelight Music in 1982. After "Colours" came a couple of anthology placements: "Coming Up for the Downstroke" on the high-profile Batcave goth club compilation, Young Limbs and Numb Hymns, and "Screaming Like An Angel" on The Whip, a soundtrack for a movie (imaginary, I believe) based on Lautréamont's Songs of Maldoror and featuring all the usual goth-rock suspects. Then Brilliant was signed to Food Records, releasing some more singles and another compilation track, "Subtle Manoevres" [sic] for the Imminent One sampler LP:
I think that came out in SUMMER NINETEEN EIGHTY-FIVE, if memory serves. I loved this song, especially all the percussive slap bass, the catchy melody, and those bells and blocks popping into the mix. Now it's almost painful to listen to that rudimentary drum beat, but I didn't know any better back then. Things were looking up for Brilliant, but then it all went wrong. WEA had taken over distribution for Food, and Brilliant got a major contract (courtesy of A&R man Bill Drummond) and a huge recording budget, so they... brought in dance-pop schlockmeisters Stock Aitken Waterman to produce! WTF??? At this point Brilliant was the trio of Youth, Jimi Cauty, and June Montana, perhaps trying to capitalize on the Colour Box group format. So what did SAW do to their sound? Check out the "after" version of "Subtle Manoevres," now called "I'll Be Your Lover," from the first and only Brilliant LP, Kiss the Lips of Life:
That was supposed to be better?! They gutted it! And got paid a lot of money for it, too! Needless to say, the album flopped. Drummond himself said, "We spent £300 000 on making an album that was useless. Useless artistically, useless... commercially." But it turned out not to be so useless to him personally; after Brilliant disbanded, Drummond and Cauty got together as the Justified Ancients of Muu Muu, a.k.a. the JAMMS, a.k.a. the Timelords, finally settling in as The KLF. They made some wildly popular records, made a ton of money, and then burned it all. Jimmy Cauty now makes pop-art postage stamps that sell for ridiculous sums. Youth became a top producer himself and occasionally rejoins Killing Joke. June Montana had a brief solo career and then dropped off the face of the earth. Oh, what might have been.
(Then there was the ordeal I had to go through to even get a copy of the album. I was the assistant manager of the Record World at the Georgetown Park mall in Washington in the fall of 1986, when Lips was released in the U.S. on Atlantic. I wanted to get it ASAP, and the fastest way to do that was to order three copies from the warehouse: bulk orders (3 or more) got phoned in on Monday for delivery on Thursday. Anything else was ordered on a paper form via overnight mail and delivered on Thursday of the following week. But oh, at headquarters they just couldn't believe someone ordered Brilliant in bulk, so they called the district supervisor, who called the store manager, wanting to know why the hell we did that. Well, I knew I was going to buy one copy, then it would take nearly two weeks to get another one in, and surely there might be at least one other person who wanted it? (There wasn't, but that's not my point.) They punished me for this transgression by sending us zero copies, and I had to buy it from a different store. That's right, they would rather have me spending the money they paid me at other stores instead of pouring it back into the company. Which is long gone, by the way.)
